I am moved by Lady Percy 's expression of love. CLICK HERE - see if you agree.
Otherwise my novels, short stories, verse, family, music, memories, vulgar interests, detestations,
responses, apologies. I hold posts to 300 words* having found less is better than more.
I re-comment on comments and re-re-re-comment on re-re-comments.
* One exception: short stories.

Monday, 29 July 2013

International conspiracy

Printers irritate the hell out of me. The economics are such they could be given away free since extortionate cartridge costs quickly match the printer’s purchase price. What my mother called "a ramp" and I, youthfully, "a swizz". A con.

I am publicising a show by VR's painting group. My Canon printer plays up; a repair would exceed the £80 cost price. Worse, a dozen unused cartridges will go to waste. The sense of being defrauded combined with an  attack of blepharitis, a corn that comes and goes on my left  foot, and the side-effects of bronchiectasis, now designated  as chronic, cause me to rail against dark forces. And, come to think of it, the forces of light.

The Hewlett-Packard replacement has touch-screen controls instead of buttons. Whoopee, oh whoopee! Said ironically. A warning on the box says it lacks a USB cable without which it won't work. The cable, a paltry thing. costs £13, causing me to rail some more. I feel like Monty Python's little man in the off-licence. The HP is, however, better designed; I no longer need pianist's fingers. Within minutes I'm trucking.

That was twenty-four hours ago. The HP crouches, 50 cm away, and my resentment is starting to fade. It's just a thing. I'll never love it but it does a job. I bought it with my credit card and that's good; it didn't cost me real money.

WIP Hand Signals
Francine went straight to Roger's most worryng patient, a splenectomy who might have picked up an infection. Temperature up slightly, passed a poor night, winced slightly  as she ran a gentle finger over his dressing.

“How're you feeling Mr Daley?” she asked.

“I'm scared,” he said. “Should I be?”

“There's nothing scary as such...”

“All surgery's a risk,” said Daley fatalistically.


  1. Oh. I suppose it's difficult to feel for a printer what I feel for my mash rake and barley crusher. And brew spoon. And kettle extraordinaire. Ach ja, und ze Buick!!

  2. Printers are expendable, designed to be redundant and above all to slurp up overpriced printing ink which feeds and energises designers to design yet more rundundancy into new machines. Although you meet people who love their keyboards, their tablets, their laptops, I have yet to meet or hear of anyone who loves a printer. Bring back hot metal I say.

  3. Printer-rage is familiar to me as well as rage against perpetrators of all those electronic/digital cons. A pox on them all, preferably in magenta, cyan, yellow and black.
    But I will fight these malfaisants as long as I can wield a digital sword. When my all-in-one printer/scanner/copier died I started research to find an affordable replacement. After returning two machines (that seemed ideal from the makers' description) I found that the best source of information on what *not* to buy is in the customer reviews of any item that can be ordered via Amazon. I read the negative reviews first and the most detailed ones are really useful.
    As for overpriced inks, I now use the much cheaper but very good 'compatible inks' sold by some reputable online companies.
    Anyway, good luck with your new HP!

  4. Rw (zS): Just so long as you remember that the aim is to drink the end product, not merely celebrate its manufacture.

    Joe: Other familiar yet unloved technological marvels: television sets, hedge trimmers, immersion heaters, non-Dyson vacuum cleaners.

    Natalie: Customer reviews reach their apogee when dealing with restaurants - popular opinion at its most fiery. And then the restaurant owner is invited by the website to respond, Many do so via a "form" letter, a pre-written apologia which can then be taken as a metaphorical summary of the owner's attitude towards cooking. Boil-in-the-bag - who'd know? It is an immutable internet law that someone always does.