I am moved by Lady Percy 's expression of love. CLICK HERE - see if you agree.
Otherwise my novels, short stories, verse, family, music, memories, vulgar interests, detestations,
responses, apologies. I hold posts to 300 words* having found less is better than more.
I re-comment on comments and re-re-re-comment on re-re-comments.
* One exception: short stories.

Monday, 21 September 2015

Looking for a reaction

Some years ago I wrote a sort of spy story too long to post. It had a few half-good ideas but it rambled and ended inconclusively. 

Recently I (significantly) re-read it on my Kindle and was horrified by its meanderings. I slashed it, rewrote it, added a very specific and completely new ending, making it much darker. "It hangs together," said VR who has read it three times. "But it's very sad.”


Normally I don’t ask VR to read my stuff, it’s up to her. This time I needed some reaction


Now it's much longer (6300 words). If this extract interests you I can send the whole thing as an email attachment. If you’d like to tell me how it works as a story (ie, don’t bother about participles) I’d appreciate it.


The Little Black Book (extract)


(Matron said) “You lasted six years in Berlin. No one else ever did three. What price did you pay?”


Most agents he knew hated working with women. Especially women with authority. This had never troubled him. “Sex wasn’t a snag. I could rent whores who’d been checked out by doctors from the west. What I lacked was the company of women. Especially in summer - women wearing light-coloured dresses showing their shoulders and bare arms. Sitting outside a cafĂ© with a glass of beer, asking a literate woman about being a woman, that’s what I dreamed about.”


Matron seemed unsurprised...  She asked, “How did you control fear?”


“At any time – awake or half asleep - there are times, dates, locations, physical data, faces, passwords that must be remembered. I’d go through them, counting my beads. It didn’t stifle fear but it brought back my training. It said I was a professional, if that meant anything.”

8 comments:

mikeM said...

I'd like to read it.

The Crow said...

As would I, please.

Roderick Robinson said...

MikeM/Crow: Thanks for your interest. Copy sent

Blonde Two said...

Yes please ... a tasty taster!

Roderick Robinson said...

Blonde Two: Crossing from Wellington to Picton will be enough time to read it and do a terse comment.

The Crow said...

It hasn't arrived over here yet.

mikeM said...

I've played this one close to the vest so far, rapt with the notion that my opinion might influence any other readers.

Roderick Robinson said...

MikeM: Sorry about the wait. I experimented with the attachment, sending it by a different method to Blonde Two and Crow. The method failed so I reverted to traditon. Crow has since acknowledged receipt but (as I understand) her response may not appear until Monday at the earliest.

A little more time rapt in that notion of yours, then.