FLAT TYRE No problem, there’s a spare. But first the used wheel, bolted on with a pneumatic torque wrench. Even so, a breakdown truck driver told me, women drivers will often have a go. Men call the AA and listen to Radio 1.
BOOT LIDS Many now have a dangling handle and not a moment too soon. Previously women got warm and angry jumping up for the rear number plate.
OIL FILLER ORIFICE “Oh that’s where it is, right at the back of the engine. I’m lucky I never liked this ball gown.”
DRIVER ERGONOMICS Everything’s adjustable. The steering column’s telescopic, seat and the squab are hinged, seat can be slid backwards and forwards and it can be raised and lowered. But only within average male variations. That’s why women’s cleavages bear the mark of the manufacturer’s logo found in the centre of the steering wheel.
PEDAL ACCESSIBILITY Fine for ladies – lady giraffes, that is.
CAR PARK TICKET SLOTS “Hang on to my butt while I reach out another metre.”
REVERSING VISIBILITY Simply lower the head-rest. Oh, it’s as low as it will go. Sorry.
RADIO CONTROLS “I can do without Bartok’s violin concerto or without steering for two or three seconds. Which will it be?”
TYRE HOSE Manicured this morning; will need another this afternoon.
VISOR VANITY MIRROR “Why does driving a Ford age me so?”
SPEEDO JUDGEMENTS 30 mph – woeful old grannie. 70 mph – flashy young tart.