I am moved by Lady Percy 's expression of love. CLICK HERE - see if you agree.
Otherwise my novels, short stories, verse, family, music, memories, vulgar interests, detestations,
responses, apologies. I hold posts to 300 words* having found less is better than more.
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Saturday, 6 July 2013

Parental Guidance possible

Can a computer generate sensual experience? Not by regurgitating porno downloads or trawling fifties Hollywood pulchritude, of course. But by just doing what computers do.

The answer is yes. It happened yesterday.

VR's desktop, which was my cast-off, was suffering the electronic equivalent of Cheyne-Stokes breathing - prelude to interment at the dump.

Barry's diagnosis left no doubt: "... very slow boot time...", "... warning message displayed: registry corrupt...", "...could not read disk...", "... probably motherboard intermittently defective..."

My atheism does not extend to failing domestic appliances and I would have allowed it a final go at the B-minor Mass. But it could no longer read disks, poor thing. So I detached  its peripherals, read it the greatest expression of love I know of (Lady P; see home page display above), and bid it goodbye.

Barry's newly built replacement occupied the former tin box so the transition was muted. Then we started to check the features, notably the four USB sockets at the front. My camera was handy so I linked it up.

We were moving towards an epiphany.

The Canon Sure Shot presently has 155 photos on its chip. My desktop, also built by Barry, is still pretty quick. When attached to the camera it transforms the blank panels into photo thumbnails as I scroll down.

VR's new pal does the whole lot - Zap! - in a third of a second. In my book that's sensual, tending towards erotic. I wound down later with a Saint-Romain, a quite pricey white Burgundy.

PIC: The new computer occupies a humble place in VR's atelier. Her other interests are more elaborately displayed.

6 comments:

Sir Hugh said...

Ah, those USB ports AT THE FRONT. I have to interact physically with my Mac. Plugging in USBs AT THE REAR involves Yoga like contortions for me, so perhaps there is some sort of metaphysical connection.

Joe Hyam said...

I have always enjoyed the verb to boot or boot up. "Very slow boot time has a resonance". Must boot faster! Did you, by way of therapy or repremand, think of despatching your cast off to boot camp I wonder?

Sir Hugh said...

Joe - Boot Camp is to do with Macs which RR would not know about, or even if he did he would pretend not to.

Roderick Robinson said...

Sir Hugh (Part the first): All besotted Mac users talk about Mac magic: then come the shameful confessions - about incompatibilities, about the rapacious pricing policies of the the manufacturer, about cleverness getting in the way of good sense.

USB socket in front? Nah, it would spoil the look. And Macs are nothing if not good-looking. Sweat on, you self-inflicted victim of powerful marketing policies.

Joe: It does boot up faster: it's operative within two minutes of switching on and that includes Kaspersky AV getting into its stride. VR is entranced and I am ennobled. And it only cost - ahem, it cost quite a bit.

Sir Hugh (Part two): Between 1993 and 1995 I only used a Mac at work. I saw its advantages and - proof that I am or was adult - I saw its disadvantages. Aren't you the tiniest bit uneasy about the way product placement in movies and TV shows implies that fashionable people use Macs? Do you, a hugger-mugger conqueror of crags and long walks, really want to be associated with these dweebs? Think how much careful analysis you put into acquiring beryllium-flavoured primus stoves and long-chain-molecule-based underpants for Big Outdoorsmen, and compare this with your weak-kneed submission to the Jobs myth.

I am grateful to Mac for one thing. I contemplate a new piece of software and note it comes in two versions: one for Windows, one for Macs. Even in this day and age, despite mouth-foaming claims about compatibility, these are two different types of computer. And like the Pharisee I thank God I was not made "as other men". Nobody writes cantatas about Windows any more than they celebrate their ownership of a Stilson wrench. It's just a tool and, over the years (with several back-stepping glitches) it's got better. I am not a self-conscious Windows user. Whereas Mac owners wear daisy-chains and prance about under mushrooms. If a water-powered version were introduced they'd buy that.

Natalie said...

I agree that there's a sensual/erotic/aesthetic aspect to computer ownership and performance similar, I suppose, to the way some people feel about cars though I've never experienced that particular fetish. Some stuff that a good machine can do is definitely delicious.
But I'm not besotted with Mac and resent Apple's sneaky tactics (eg forcing you to update to versions which make your previous software unusable, etc. etc) but I'll stick with my OSX 10.4.11 iMac because it's easy and I'm used to it. Haven't succumbed to the PR and buying frenzy of all the later gadgets - don't need 'em.

Roderick Robinson said...

Natalie: I am honoured that we share the same proto-erotic tendencies towards pieces of equipment that work well and that you've been prepared to come out of the cupboard to this effect. Your choice of adjective "delicious" says it all.

As a result I feel ashamed that I have unknowingly lumped you together with the fashionistas I was inveighing against. Until this very moment I had not associated Macs with the Garden of Eden story and the symbolism of that violated apple. The implication being, I take it, that Macs have deliberate links with the concept of Original Sin. Clever, but risky. I could go on but won't.