I am moved by Lady Percy 's expression of love. CLICK HERE - see if you agree.
Otherwise my novels, short stories, verse, family, music, memories, vulgar interests, detestations,
responses, apologies. I hold posts to 300 words* having found less is better than more.
I re-comment on comments and re-re-re-comment on re-re-comments.
* One exception: short stories.

Monday, 26 August 2013

Unexpectedly a clothes horse

This photograph deserves wide dissemination for a variety of reasons.

Note the hands: together they occupy as much space as the head. The reasons for this must go unexplained. Possibly anticipation. The surroundings indicate a well-regarded watering hole.

The jacket, the shirt, and the unseen trousers and braces (US: suspenders) are being worn for the first time. In compensation the underpants are over ten years old and the socks may be two decades old. The support hose is in a lamentable state of decay but will shortly be replaced free, despite its shocking retail price of £50 a pair, by Britain's well-beloved National Health Service. Eat your heart out North Dakota.

The mode of tranportation to and from this location was also  unique: a sixteen-seat bus.

But the most remarkable detail is what's in the glass. An Italian wine based on the nero di troia grape. Wikipedia tells us "The name probably derives from the town of Troia in the Province of Foggia whose legendary founder was the Greek hero Diomedes, who had destroyed the ancient Troy." Can't see how this is is a good recommendation but it was a first in an evening of firsts.

The hair was washed three days before the event. Thus it meets the standards implicit in Clean in the owner's personal set of shampoo gradations: Clean, Dodgy, Unforgivable.

WIP Second Hand (29,317 words)
Thinking there was more to come he waited, then realised he’d been made a fool of. “You’re trying to get up my nose.”

(Francine said) “Not intentionally.”

“Accidentally’s just as bad,” he said


  1. Even I would get spiffed up to drink in such a nice watering hole! And it comes with dudes in suspenders! Ah, heaven!

  2. Wow!

    You should wear suspenders more often!

  3. Be it a wine tasting event or speed dating, dressing 'oben hui und unten pfui is not acceptable.

  4. All: I should mention that brother Sir Hugh has seen the above pic and says it makes me look far younger than I am. So there's another reason for posting it.

  5. When I wonder did you last wear a tie. Or should I say necktie? Do you possess one?

  6. There's something very odd about this picture. First of all, the hands: one of them is obviously a big fake hand slipped over the real one. Why? What's going on? Is this actually you? Maybe it's a waxwork? Or Photoshop trickery? Confess!

  7. RW (zS): You're quite right about dudes with suspenders. They aren't pinched in the middle and their guts last longer.

    Crow: Have worn suspenders for a couple of years now - for the reasons stated above.

    Ellena: Also, oben is gut, unten ist schlecht. Most of the time I dress unten because I'm retired, old, fat, and don't give a damn. This is a rare occasion - possibly the only occasion - when you'll see me dressed oben unless I'm present at your funeral. I thought you deserved the opportunity. It seems you disapprove. It'll be shabby from now on. It was a dinner, by the way.

    Joe: Strange. The Americans are at their best when they compress their form of English. Yet they love also to expand it needlessly. Hence necktie. They also refer to tuna fish as if there was another sort. "Do you feel the need to say Alsatian dog?" I ask and get a baffled look.

    Just before I retired I bought two ties from Liberty: enormous expense, William Morris patterns. Very occasionally I yearn to wear them but the yearning quickly dissipates. There is a disadvantage about eschewing ties: the turkey wattle is continuously on display.

    Natalie: You should become more familiar with Occam's Razor, and apply it ceaselessy. The most likely answer to all your questions is that you are seeing reality. This is really me. Being (as I say above) retired, old, fat and devoid of caring it is not surprising that I've allowed myself to resemble a waxwork. In any case there is a logic to this wilful acceptance of decay: given my rebarbative attitudes towards blog writing and blog commenting, this is the sort of physical persona you would expect. And in fact hope for. And be secretly pleased by. I deserve to look like this.

    I should add that I've washed my hair since this photo was taken. In 85 minutes I have an appointment with an osteopath and both of the available options are women. I genuinely need their help (my head has stopped turning) and it seems necessary to engage their sympathy. I will also be wearing a cleaner pair of trousers.

  8. Sorry Roderick, but what puzzles me is the right hand: a definite line shows above the wrist, as if another, bigger hand is inserted over the real one. Occam's shmockans: explain this visual anomaly?

    On the other hand (intended pun) if your right hand is swollen for osteopathic reasons then I'm guilty of gross insensitivity, rudeness and the faux pas to end all faux pas. For which I abjectly apologise. To make amends, I will admit that you do, in fact, look unusually handsome for someone with all the flaws you lead us to believe you have.

  9. OMG or, as they say, Oh.my.God!
    I've just figured it out: the line I was referring to is the edge of the wine glass.
    I'm the world's biggest imbecile. Forgive me if you can.

  10. Natalie: 'Tis my neck that needed the osteopath's touch. It only does up and down these days, no longer left to right. Denying me à la dérobée glances.

    It will take time, I was told. Meaning I suppose I'll be drained dry.

    I am not entirely convinced you are familiar with the aforementioned razor. It will crop up again between us if you stay the course. I wouldn't want you to feel disadvantaged. And, please, don't plead Liberal Arts if you lack a decent dictionary.

    Handsome. I'm not looking for admissions, I already have one from Sir Hugh (not a real knight). The lily has been over-gilded, he says. Having re-examined the pic I'd say the expression is close to an incipient leer.

    You are not the world's biggest imbecile while Bruce Forsythe still lives. Scarred by a wine glass (even if it turned out to be a virtual scar); that seems apt.

  11. I do know what Occam's razor means, RR, but am feeling all humble and contrite therefore I accept being corrected. However I refuse to share any category whatsoever with (ugh) Bruce Forsyth, even imbecility.

    Hope your neck movement is being gradually restored. Would Alexander technique help?

    Re tech problems with visiting your site: apart from having to switch from Firefox to Safari, proving I'm not a robot is often difficult: the system rejects my perfectly correct readings and makes me go through it all again and again. But I persevere so here I am.