Plutarch is presently writing short short stories. I don't understand the short story rationale, don't read them by choice. Is this one? I don't know. It's 377 words long which is, sort of, cheating
THE BUS
The pensioners
hadn’t much money; he drove them to the Welsh coast, more often to Blackpool, occasionally
Whitby. Coming back they sang old-fashioned songs like Lambeth Walk and teased him
when he pulled in to service stations. “Does the driver want a wee-wee?” they asked.
When the collection box went down the aisle it came back with a scattering of
20 p pieces. But he didn’t mind. With them he was supporting a tradition.
Football fans
were noisier and hung their scarves out of the bus windows. They drank lager
and their high spirits made it difficult to tell whether their team had won or
lost. Occasionally one would be sick and others would use The Sun to wipe it
up. Then there’d be a couple of fivers in the box. They didn’t seem to know
real tunes: sang parts of pop songs, ad jingles and chants they used during the
game. Football didn’t interest him but he liked their enthusiasm.
Kids? He’d always
liked kids. They mimicked each other, sometimes cleverly. Others stared out as
if seeing the promised land.
It was this lot
he hated. Older than pensioners, but the men dressed in suits or proper tweed
jackets. The women’s white hair carefully arranged, well-worn rings on their
fingers. At six they opened Sainsbury bags-for-life
and took out Tupperware boxes. Unpacked tomato sandwiches wrapped in film and held
them between thumb and forefinger as they ate. Those without Thermoses drank
Malvern water, tipping the bottle into their mouths, never encircling the neck
with their lips.
Returning, they
rarely talked about what they’d seen. But they did talk, endlessly. About their
dogs and cats, restaurants and the perfection of their grandchildren. Some
dozed, others asked him to enable the overhead lights so that they could read –
often, hardbacks.
He disliked their
restraint. As if they were only half alive. He suspected they disapproved of
what he liked but would never say so. The collection box revealed single pounds
from each of them. They knew all about tipping.
It is a short story. Does it need a rationale? It's nearly poetry too.
ReplyDeleteJulia: I'm going to hang on to that judgement. I greatly appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteRationale. There is much b/s talked about short stories. They are supposed to be almost perfectible for one thing; certainly the few I have read (by acknowledged experts like Tolstoy, Katherine Mansfield, William Trevor) have a strange inconclusiveness. "Aims" would have been a better word. Actually I was quite pleased with what I had written since it required great powers on the part of the reader to make it seem non-inconclusive.
Thanks again.
I think the best short stories are vignettes, just mere slices of life, as if viewed by the reader from a swiftly passing train. And like that passenger, the reader is left to flesh it out as their imagination and experiences (or post-prandial mood) dictates.
ReplyDeleteGiven that subjective point of view, I think you've succeeded with this story. Now, if I just had a decent wine to accompany this tasty sliver of cheese.
Julia said it better than I have.
(Off topic: I keep adding your blog to my list of those I follow and Blogger keeps removing it when I sign out. You guys fighting, or something?)
So glad you have put your toe in the water again. As with the earlier story you showed me, it is clear that you know what a short story is instinctively if you are not entirely appreciative of the form. Crow' s definition hits the spot - slices of life. I' m looking forward to more and pow wow in The Retreat.
ReplyDeleteThe Crow: A slice of life, yes. But it's the shaping that's mystified me - both as a reader and now as a writer. This things seems to fit some kind of pattern I'm only barely conscious of. The bus driver observes different kinds of passengers and then we observe him - but this latter only in a minute sort of way. Two facts are presented quite baldly and we are required to figure how they fit in. How we do so is up to us.
ReplyDeletePlutarch: There was a real-life stimulus to this, being passengered back from Birmingham after a concert. I think the success (as in other fields) depends to some extent on new and original observations. I am particulrly pleased with the sentence about drinking water.