You never knew you had it

This sonnet is obscure and clumsy. But it was never intended to be elegant, poetic or inspiring. It was, however, intended to be unique and may be a first. It celebrates power-assisted steering, now a standard feature on most cars.

Why did I write it? Because I once bought a sporty car that lacked PAS and regretted it from day one. Couldn’t park the bugger.

ALL HAIL, MERCIFUL PAS!

 

Under an extroverted silver shell,
Close to the engine’s eager energy,
Two motors, resting, wait to hear the call
From my inadequate anatomy.

Not yet! At lethal speeds as passenger,

I loll, supplying nothing else but weight.
Later and slower, as its director,
I try to tackle its uncertain state.

The car when ambling needs my sensate brain,

To guide its tyres along slow clinging ways,
But motorless it works against the grain
And racks my arms with frictional delays.

An old man’s aid these motors happily

Delete time’s wear and add avidity.

WHATIZZIT? We were shopping for a pedestal mat in Dunelm, a soft goods store that causes me to yawn uncontrollably whenever I pass through its automatically controlled doors. At the checkout was a 99p impulse-buy – a toothpaste tube economiser. Slip it on and slide it up. It appears to work. I thought it deserved publicity