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Sunday 3 November 2013

That wondrous work

Pet owners gradually resemble their pets, it is said. But what about car owners and cars?

BMW A medieval link here - an instinctive belief in droit de seigneur. True, maidens escape depucelation but drivers assume an absolute right to go first at T-junctions, to overtake on roundabouts, to take the only parking space, etc. I know. I owned a BMW. Traces of its influence still linger.

AUDI Now challenging BMW for the seigneurial role. Never seen travelling at less than 90 mph on motorways. I owned one of these too. A coupé yet. Say no more.

VOLVO The safe large ones. Car of preference for managers of funeral homes. The automotive expression of - in the midst of life we are in death. Always black.

SUZUKI SWIFT Very small women. Without a substantial cushion drivers are doomed to see life through the steering wheel.

LAMBORGHINI Wealthy people on a diet. Getting into and out of these subterranean cars constitutes the owner's sole exercise.

MORGAN Bald men over fifty who endured a circumscribed childhood and are unaware the car top is erectable.

SSONGYANG Therapeutical transportation for those with speech defects.

SKODA Octavia with turbo-charged diesel engine and six-speed auto/manual gearbox. Men who believe they are at Level 5 (Jacques, etc) but who are in danger of leaving Level 6 behind.

ANY FIFTIES UK CAR
Poets and others uninterested in movement.

WIP Second Hand (46,129 words)
His clothes were casual but they involved a degree of calculation. Light beige chinos with an expensive shirt, tailored to show off the flatness of his stomach and the pinch of his waist. Hair styled to look ragged. On the walls enlarged photographs of bridges… Bookshelves but no books. Why bother when a mouse got there quicker than flicking pages?

5 comments:

  1. I don't like him. Maybe he should have some jewellery somewhere?

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  2. Sir Hugh: Nah, I'm not adding bling just to feed your prejudices.

    In fact this extract was cut as the points de suspension indicate. I wonder if you'd have changed your mind if I'd had space to included that which was cut:

    "... the Verrazano Narrows, the Ǿresund linking Denmark and Sweden, the Millau in southern France."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmm. That makes me want to know more now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've never even heard of a Ssongyang...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lucy: It has always been my task in life to surprise you.

    ReplyDelete