 |
| No fault of Nick's, the two awful middle names were rarely used |
Emotion has no place when writing about emotion.
It was the same old grind with my piece for Nick's funeral. One word then another, acknowledging that any, or all, might be deleted or replaced. Nouns and verbs preferred to adjectives and adverbs. Jargon words peculiar to these occasions (eg, "condolences") avoided. The aim being to re-establish the ideas behind the jargon and cause them to live again. Clarity beats vagueness but it's harder to write.
Revision was never-ending, practising the stuff aloud within the five-minute limit. Describing myself I replaced "journalist" with "hack" for reasons I don't understand.
I could have used boffo anecdotes. I included two very mild jokes and sensed a response. But parts of Nick's life were troubled and even tragic and had left scars. This was no time to resurrect these matters or make fun. I mentioned a poignant moment and referred to Nick as complex. Hoping the evident goodwill would arrive with an ounce of sympathy. It did.
Emotion overcame me during the final sentence and I started to strangle. Ironically the words weren't mine but by Nick's best friend, living in Australia, paying tribute to the awful burden of support borne by Nick's elder daughter, Kate.
I gargled, was surprised, then appalled. Then thought: why not?
THE HYMN. The organist was a pro and played at a fast clip; no rests between the lines. I was dry from speaking but sang loudly and confidently if not resonantly. The man in the pew in front of me was huge and immobile; a wall of Jericho, perhaps?
I'd like to say 'well done' but in much more fitting words. I fail.
ReplyDeleteYou were fine and fitting. I noticed many people said so afterwards to you directly, and others the same who spoke to me.
ReplyDeleteI was well satisfied with the last version you showed me and was then taken by surprise when the final version was massively revised, but all for the better. Very few people would appreciate how much work and dedication is required to achieve the meanings and nuances one wants to express, especially in this kind of circumstance.
Sabine: There has never been a definitive account of anything. Perfection is alien to writing since if there is an infinite number of readers there is an infinite number of "might-have-beens". One can only hope that when the time comes to stop scratching around and start speaking, the break-off point is congenial.
ReplyDeleteSince I know your abilities as a writer I think you're being over-modest. However a bit of fibbing is permissible on these occasions and I thank you kindly.
One discovery: I'd always thought those who drank water during orations did so for dramatic effect. I stand by my claim that emotion is a hindrance while writing, however it is a legitimate resource when speaking and emotion uses up spit. My guzzard was dry and ill-prepared for the hymn which immediately followed. Now I wonder what might happened if I'd had a glass but it was full of gin.
Sir Hugh: Yes, people were kind but then funerals are, one hopes, occasions for kindness. What was pleasing was that most people who approached me then went on to offer affectionate anecdotes about Nick. A worthwhile side-effect.
On the matter of revisions and corrections I was struck by the similarities between devising prose and learning music. With the latter you find yourself looking for a note that plainly isn't there; eventually you realise you've made a mistake earlier on and this has led you down a false corridor leading nowhere. Reading one's prose aloud one comes upon passages that are awkward to say. One seeks simpler versions and these don't solve the problem. Intense scrutiny forces you to recognise that the "wrongness" isn't a verbal matter but a hidden defect (often quite small) in the logic of what you are trying to say. Rewrite more exactly and voila!
It sounds like a beautiful farewell.
ReplyDelete"Fine and fitting."
ReplyDeleteWhat tribute from a brother to a brother about a lost brother could be better?
Marly: You've almost made me strangle.
ReplyDelete