 |
| 2018: A bumper year |
First they manifested themselves as corpses on the windowsills, easily swept up. Then as lethargic groups, flying without conviction and easy to zap. Then as clusters of corpses jammed into the glass domes of light fitments above the bath. I should explain here that the lighting system in the bathroom is designed to help me read for long stretches while soaking; the dead wasps were blocking the light and perverting the system.
The bathroom's overhead lights can be accessed from the loft. So I extended the loft ladder, switched on the loft light and ascended to initiate a clean-up. But I was not alone. A dozen live wasps were drawn to this new source of light, circling tiredly and intent on bulb worship. They didn't seem terribly interested in me as I tweezered away the cadavers of their blood relations, but every so often one would fly into and out of my coiffure. Unnerving.
The clean-up concluded, I stood on the top rung of the ladder and watched the bulb worshippers. An easy target. I zapped them with an aerosol acquired in France, toxic beyond belief, and added them to the body count.
But I have no illusions. There are more of them up there and the general problem has been mentioned on local TV. Just recently I have been burdened with several heavy bills; in leisure moments I envisage a future bank statement with an entry attributable to insect infestation. What the sum will be I do not know, only that it will be large.
Do I, an octogenarian, deserve this new plague? I mean I'm liberal arts.
That is definitely a question for James Thurber - pity he is long gone.
ReplyDeleteI notice your new heading photo. It looks like one of your reduced blog posts - whittled down. Here is my mini reference library:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/o18s6gs2t7ulzfx/CHRRefLibrary.jpg?dl=0
Sounds awful. We have to zap their small nests each spring, ending their hopes for a productive year. However, we have never had them inside the house like that. Keep us posted on the wasp wars. And why is it a general problem in your area now?
ReplyDeleteSir Hugh: I might claim that my books are more artistically arranged. Also that you've sought more instruction than I have. And that in contrast you appear to have renounced hedonism. The typewriter is included because, so far, it has poured forth more prose than all the WP devices I've owned. More laboriously too.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lesson to be learned from your well-spotted Thurberism. The contents of my final two sentences are not Thurberistic, but the style is. A good example of creative use of the non sequitur.
Colette: Yes, it does sound as if I live in a hell-hole. Tellingly that I am too lazy to come up with a more permanent solution. Whereas you, as a paid-up member of the "can do" nation, are taking the war to these unwanted little buggers.
The reasons for this infestation are, I think, twofold. The past summer saw unheard-of temperatures, continuously in the mid-thirties (Celsius of course). A mild summer in Florida, of course, but atypical of Britain. Hereford, where I live, is a major centre for cider brewing and the high temperatures led to an over-abundance of apples in the local orchards. Apples encourage wasps. More news when and if...
If it stays warm, Brits will have to start using window screens, I expect...
ReplyDeleteShall catch up with you later, as I have been out of commission and am not right yet. But will be.
M: I think the infestation is under the roof tiles.
ReplyDeleteLook after yourself; I have every confidence in your prediction.