Not many people would have read the post - A Different Type of Loss - which I wrote, published and then quixotically destroyed a day or two later. Not because it was defective or the subject ill-chosen; I think the transformation marriages can bring about is under-explored. Ceasing to think purely as an individual and absorbing - in parallel - aspects of another person's life can be beneficial. The trouble is I had created an elephant in the room. In some respects I had - as the cliché goes - swallowed the camel while straining at the gnat.
I had taken a vow not to write about the medical condition that had overtaken VR even though there had been powerful discoveries I'd made along the way. And misunderstandings that needed clearing up. But I knew in my heart of hearts VR would not have approved of such a project. Silence, however inadequate, would be my paltry gift.
But quite by chance I came upon a reference by Stephen Fry in his arguments against the possible existence of an all-powerful God. One who had thought everything through and then brought about all aspects of life as we know it. Why, Fry asked, had God thought it necessary to create a form of bone cancer that is more or less fatal and only attacks children? How could that fit into the principles of overwhelming love said to form the basis of Christianity?
As it happens, in one of my short walks to pick up the newspaper, I had fallen into conversation with a woman who'd recently been widowed - in mere middle age - and was struggling to re-establish herself. The chat lasted quite a long time and I was drawn in by her articulacy and the way she was able to control her emotions. Inevitably I compared her situation with my own. Was a partner's death preferable to the awfully inflicted cruelties I found myself sharing with my wife of 65 years?
There is of course no agreed answer to this question. Unless, of course, the all-powerful God exists and he'd seen my situation as worthy of the most exquisitely devised punishment for coming to the wrong conclusion about his all-abiding love? And believe me the torture is very finely wrought since it relies on those benefits that marriage has conferred on me.
I may find it necessary to destroy this substitute post too. Who knows? Like the weather I find myself changeable. Very English, that.
Most religions describe God as incomprehensible, with good reason.
ReplyDeleteIt’s all so hard to understand and come to terms with.
ReplyDeleteMy theory is that there maybe also a devil as well as a god, neither of which I believe in, and if it was so, and they were in competition it would explain, to some extent, the nastiness that is heaped on us all from time to time. That would mean that the devil would be pure evil rather than an agent for punishment of wrong doings because the nastiness is apparently inflicted on anybody regardless of deserving.
ReplyDeleteWell, I read both posts, and as someone in a long marriage myself, I appreciated everything you wrote, and the questions you mused about. I will not get into the God question except to say that I believe in Love as a guiding principle. If we all were able to love more, imperfectly, fitfully, but sincerely, this world would have a lot less suffering.
ReplyDeleteMikeM: I put one of those awkward God questions to a devout Catholic I worked alongside. He said: "We may not know the mind of God." Which seemed to confirm your discovery.
ReplyDeleteJean: But, nevertheless, shouldn't we go on trying?
Sir Hugh: The existence of a Devil (And why shouldn't we refer to him with an initial cap?) would seem to undermine the claim that God is all-powerful. I take your point about the two of them being in competition but surely, by now, one or both might have concluded that it was a case of match null.
Beth: It is the wilful, seemingly targeted and, surely unnecessary, cruelty that VR has been subjected to that I found so hard to accommodate within the framework of Love Thy Neighbour. And to discover on my daily walk that almost everyone I met and talked to had experience within their families of this malign infliction. I accept your general observation about love but find it tested to breaking point when contemplating Trump. Other than, perhaps he shares the ailment with VR.
Mindful of my recent following of the snooker, if God and Devil had arrived at stalemate they would have opted for a re-rack. I apologise for this flipancy amidst what is a profound soul sesrching topic for vwhich I have some expereince. Especially that feeling of guilt for accepting some partial grant of freedom.
ReplyDelete