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RR makes a valid point to Barry while Carl works on, oblivious |
Old age promotes immobility. Adding old age to our major preoccupations (RR: various forms of writing; solo singing lessons; V: voracious reading) means our social life – other than with the family – is virtually non-existent. No recommendations, please. We are both far too old to profit from them
Recently I realised how far away from sociability I’d become. Carl, our current gardener and handyman, arrived to continue a major project, accompanied by Barry, one of our former gardeners. Barry, who is very sociable, said he was present to check Carl’s progress. He fibbed. He had come to talk.
Incautiously I mentioned my birthday, a few days past (“Now I’m only three years short of ninety; that’s gotta to be The Moribund Stage.”) Serves me right. Barry seized the opportunity: “Bring out some beer, we have to celebrate.”
Barry and I did just that. Carl, conscientious to a fault, quickly polished off his bottle and got on with his work. Daughter Professional Bleeder photographed the three of us from an upstairs windows. You'll need to double-click to see the detail then note my didactic hand gesture. Being too lazy to arrange social events doesn’t mean I’m anti-social. I enjoy chat and Barry and I have several shared interests. It’s just that the rarity of the event made it feel strange in retrospect.
Why don’t I do this more often, I asked myself. I knew the answer. It’s too wearisome to arrange, Despite being over-vocal on the subject of desmodromic valves still used on Ducati motorbikes.
The other photo shows the steps and handrails Carl has fashioned to ease V’s descent down to the patio. The guy’s a workaday genius. You’ll be pleased to know the woodwork has subsequently been stained.
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Carl's new staircase provides a safer access to the patio. Both the staircase and the table have subsequently been stained. |
Suggest you watch "How to with John Wilson," last night (Sunday on BBC 2) therefore should be on iPlayer. This one is how to make small talk. A refreshingly new (to me)t kind of documentary that explores the business of casual conversation semi seriously but also with humour slotting in cleverly chosen candid photo clips.
ReplyDeleteSir Hugh: You've misread me. I have no problems chatting; like most journalists I know a little bit about quite a lot. My problem is I live a life that lacks opportunities for chatting; and my major interests don't help.
DeleteWell, of course I had to google desmodromic valves ducati, and the first thing that came up was "Ducati's desmodromic valve system is pure magic! It's voodoo made out of metal and gears!" But maybe you disagree?
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to see you entertaining, and I'm not at all surprised that someone would invent an excuse to come over to chat with you.
Colette: Which tells you precisely nothing. Desmodromic valves (allowing a fuel/air mixture to enter a car/bike engine and for burnt gases to escape from said engine) are opened and closed by cams. In more conventional engines cams open the valves which are then closed reactively by a spring. Not that you needed to know that and I appreciate the way you've turned my original non sequitur into a joke, thereby entering into the spirit of why I included this obscure line of techno-jargon. I expect no less from my dear Floridian Funster.
DeleteYou may not be surprised that some one would want to engage me in chat, but I am. My mien (first time I've used that word in 2022) has never really encouraged social intercourse and my tendency to jeer at inarticulacy tends to lead to a state of "once bitten, twice shy" among those who try. The surgery on my mouth last year has added to my general loathsomeness. People often cross the road instead.
We socially disabled due to age and/or illness do what we can. I get your point. However, your garden fills me with a sense of dread. You are one step away from a tarmac parking lot. In the town we live in, you'd be fined to the hilt for sealing the ground.
ReplyDeleteSabine: Only the patio is paved. The rest of the garden is covered with charming if expensive decorative gravel lying on a membrane of Terram, a fibrous fabric which inhibits weed growth yet allows rain water to flow into the earth below. Were your Finemasters to pay a call I'd address them in French.
DeleteThere was a time when I loved to socialize, but those days are long gone. There's not much to say anymore, but I could go on a long rant about politics and our abused earth, but who want to hear that stuff?
ReplyDeleteNewRobin13: We've had this conversation before, which seems to contradict your insistence that you don't socialise any more. "Political rants" and "the abused earth" are merely two subjects that might crop up but can easily be suppressed. See yourself in the adopted role of a sheep-dog mastering the waywardness of a herd of sheep. Riffle through the topics that have have passed through your mind during the previous 30 seconds, pick the most fruitful, and steer south.
ReplyDeleteNever say (again) there's not much to say. The world is your oyster. If you still feel numb, ask a question. Remind yourself you were born to talk. It's an asset that should never wither.
Everything is relative in your old age since you have the benefit of a spouse on your premises with whom to converse for sociability. I won't lament here what I am lacking but my weekly visit from my limited English speaking gardener is always welcome for a few moments of sociability. Talking to others in years past could sometimes reach a point when a little of the abundant quiet now was welcome so I'm not complaining.
ReplyDeleteYour mention of a Ducati motorbike reminded me my son had once owned one he reluctantly sold when he and his wife were in San Francisco and had decided to move east. He cautioned the purchaser about use but was assured the new owner knew what he was doing. The sale completed, the biker went sailing down the street. Before he was out of sight he proceeded to wreck the bike but managed to emerge relatively uninjured. My son had been so proud of his bike, taken such care with it, I could hear the sadness in his voice when he told me about it.
Joared: Unless there has been a massive rift in the lute I think we can take the sociability of a married couple as a given. As to whether relationships based on commercial contracts (eg, with your gardener) qualify as sociable, this is complex. For instance, does he work for a set number of hours and might, therefore, consider time devoted to chat as worthy of payment? No doubt you have sorted such knotty problems out between you.
DeleteAlso chat has to be predefined. I am not one for discussing the weather or resurrecting oft-told tales. The best chat is where the exchanges are linked and are inter-dependent, proving that the chatters are listening as well as talking. One may chat about chat; it would be unexpected and the info could well turn out to be original. For chat to be worthwhile it should inform both participants.
As you note, there is sorrow in that anecdote about your son. I have owned several bikes but would never have considered a Ducati, mainly for reasons of cost. That wouldn't stop me regarding a Ducati owner as a potential friend; I would suspect him/her to be quirky and that's a good starting point for animated chat.