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I don't have photos of him; The Trafalgar suffices |
My closest friend has just died of long covid. Closest in spirit if not geographically; he lived in London, 150 miles away. A journalist, a novelist, we shared many interests and some of the same political views.
As with past deaths my reaction always centres on language: I must not betray him with funeral-home vocabulary or badly-worn phrases that might suggest I haven’t bothered to think about the loss. If I mention that cumbersome word “condolences” it must only be to condemn it.
In fact our friendship went through different phases and the best bits came at the end. Rather similar to my relationship with Joe Hyam (Plutarch in the blogosphere). From time to time I drove from Hereford to Lewisham where he lived, we taxi-ed to Greenwich of meridian fame, lunched in a wine vault, walked past the Cutty Sark (a beached tea clipper), sat in a bow-window niche overlooking the Thames in The Trafalgar, best pub in London, drank five pints of draught beer over about six hours. And talked.
There were other things to treasure (he published my four books) but those talks stand out. Made me realise how rare real conversation is. The giving and taking of information, equably and without insistence. The exploration of familiar subjects and the unearthing of new ones. An eagerness to contribute tempered by the rule of not interrupting. Science, politics, books, malicious gossip, introspection, and the laughing acceptance of weak bladders in old age.
At its best conversation shares something with good music. Structure, a continuing flow, sharp revelations.
One other thing. It was he, with his wife Caroline, that suggested we all visited the Hay Festival. Stimulation over ten years.
He was Pat Coyne. Don’t rest in peace, Pat; it sounds too passive. Keep talking.
Just sorry to read of that. I have some idea of how much that meant to you from out conversations over a long period.
ReplyDeleteNever easy, obituaries. You did him proud.
ReplyDeleteSabine: Thanks for avoiding "badly worn phrases".
DeleteThis tribute was nicely done. It sounds like he was a good friend to you, and an interesting person. How lucky you both were to have that kind of friendship, it is so damn rare.
ReplyDeleteColette: Occasionally it was an extremely fractious relationship, especially during the early days when our respective politics were poles apart. I've just remembered he was responsible for a brief but unusual phase of my journalistic career. His small company acquired a magazine called Theatregoer and this included a Dining Out column. VR and I visited a number of restaurants in London on the mag's behalf, dined for free, and I wrote reviews. It sounds idyllic but it was a mixed blessing. On December 12 2018 I did a post about this. Just went back to check it, and I find you were mentioned on an entirely unrelated matter.
ReplyDeleteColette: I didn't realise you and I went this far back.
ReplyDelete