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| The swanky side of the UK's NHS |
The aftermath of bowel surgery is chemotherapy. Surely nothing more than finding a space in the hospital car park and in for a jab and a drip. And by no means a crummy experience. I swap the metallic chairs in the waiting room for the upholstered relaxers in the pastel-coloured drip lab (with its stained glass window) and rest my legs on the extension cushion.
Well, not exactly. The drip lasts two hours. For the first time I discover that there are limits to Solitaire on my mobile. I need an old-fashioned book with a highly rated readability coefficient. The Godfather once sustained me for a flight from London Heathrow to Pittsburgh International (3720 miles). Something in that bracket.
Because there’s more. After the drip I’m attached to a baby’s bottle which I wear for the next three days, unconsciously absorbing its liquid contents via a tube attached to a tap inserted into my left bicep. The logical place to hang the bottle is from my braces in the region of my crotch. A wonderful opportunity to lighten the work load of the hard-working nurses in the drip lab.
I point to the indecently obvious bulge down… er… there. “Reminds me of that alleged line in a Mae West movie: ‘Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?’.”
For a split-second there’s silence. Have I gone too far? Then a roar of soprano and bass-baritone laughter and I reckon I’ve returned the favour. Gather ye rosebuds.
Good for you, RR. A sense of humour is essential in those conditions. Keep 'em coming
ReplyDeleteAvus: I hesitated about including that quote. Thought that everybody was too familiar with it. It is an "alleged" quote but I don't think she ever denied it. Interesting how wit can sometimes overcome the charge of being coarse.
DeleteHilarious! They'll be telling this story on break all week.
ReplyDeleteColette: I'm not entirely sure what "on break" means. Never mind. It was welcome.
DeleteCoffee, lunch breaks - when all the staff get together to take a break from work during the day to eat or just relax. I wonder what those are called in England?
DeleteColette: In my youthful more impulsive days it was "Down to the pub".
DeleteI like your sense of humor about this. A very necessary balance to the drip drip drip. Thank you for reminding of that Mae West line.
ReplyDeleteNewRobin13: I was surrounded by more experienced chemo-drippees. Some had brought in sandwiches, others wi-fi earphones. Some just dozed.
DeleteI am currently reading Bill Bryson's At Home. 600 pages of sort of social history. Many anecdotes and sketches of notable failures and succeeders covering mainly from the Middle Ages through to the start of the 20thC. Easy to read for long stints.
ReplyDeleteSir Hugh: I think the main need is for a powerful fictional narrative. Early John le Carré would have done the job.
DeleteA pressurized bottle? A pump? A handstand? How would your formula's route otherwise support Mr. Newton's assertions?
ReplyDeleteI had a PICC for a month (long ago). I can't remember if the bag was hung above the site and dripped or pumped in. possibly both. TPN it was - "Total Parental Nutrition". Nothing to chew and spit to swallow.
MikeM: That very point was raised at the time. One of the nurses said it was important that the bottle be slung above (I think) the heart. In fact it was probably 25 in. below. My grandson and I examined the bottle carefully; since it is intended to be disposable the idea of a pump would be ultra wasteful and expensive. We concluded that the chemo fluid was driven upwards via the pressure from a vacuum envelope round the flexible fluid container. Does this sound likely?
Delete"For the first time I discover that there are limits to Solitaire on my mobile. " I find my Kindle is a great solace. Although, essentially, I prefer to read a "real" book, the Kindle is a whole library in my pocket and so convenient to handle (or stand beside a plate on the breakfast table).
ReplyDeleteBut I guess they said the same about hand written books before Caxton came along to spoil it all....
Avus: Books and Solitaire aren't truly interchangeable. Solitaire is purely a time-waster with the added benefit of small levels of digital exercise. It's almost as if the distance between the brain's motor controls and the muscles in the fingers contracts almost to zero. Thereby time passes less painfully.
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