Hated school? See this

Look, I’ve tackled some lengthy entertainments. Wagner’s Ring cycle consists of four operas, each about 5 hours long. Kevin Brownlow’s rehabilitated version of Abel Gance’s silent movie, Napoleon, lasts 6 hours. And Bach’s St Matthew Passion is about 3 hours.

But none was a marathon. Both my Ring and my Napoleon are on DVDs; I was able to loll on the sofa, take comfort breaks, allow time-outs for snacks, etc. St Matthew was in the concert hall but has a lengthy interval. I survived.

The German movie, Mr Bachmann And His Class, launched in 2021, lasts 3 hr 37 min. I saw it yesterday, without a break. True, at the final credits it felt as though my spine had developed a sharp point that might – any moment – pierce the meagre upholstery of the cinema seat, never mind the skimpy flesh to the rear of my anus. But not a second too long. Honest. I promise.

Anyone who suffered a lousy school education, as I did, should see MBAHC. When it was over I wrote a comment post-it: “If Mr Bachmann had taught me I could have conquered the world – but gently.”

Mr B’s school class, in a German industrial town, consisted of 14-year-old male and female students from Russia, Bulgaria, Poland and five other countries. Some were clever, some struggled with their German. All received Mr B’s acutely sympathetic, individual yet rigorous attention. Maths, yes. English, yes. But also singing, guitar playing, stone carving and infinitely productive conversation.

The kids arrived one cold winter’s morning. Had they hated getting up? Jawohl! Take a ten-minute snooze, head down on the desk. Time after time, my throat constricted at the poignancy and the fun. Serious (ie, good) education, fun? Definitely. Please, please see it.