I am happy learning how to sing but not all the time; not surprising since lessons are an examination of failure. I find happiness drinking champagne but it is transitory and the first glass is better than those that follow. I am happy during the act of writing (providing the word flow is satisfactory) but may be unhappy when I read the result. Search for happiness and it’s almost odds-on I won’t find it. I doubt it can be planned. It tends to ooze and is at its best when unexpected.
A rare though powerful form is happiness that may emerge from adversity. My present illness has affected the family and I’m sorry to have been the unwitting source of these uncertainties. On the other hand, the sense of family has been strengthened. This may not qualify as happiness but it is welcome.
I derive happiness from others’ skills. Comedians’ wisecracks have to be spot on to create a quick flash of joy; what really gets to me are comparatively lengthy comic narratives with a growing sense of fun. Woody Allen’s tale about shooting the moose is one such unremitting crescendo. Physicists who explain their arcane world in simple terms reveal its beauty – an abstract concept – and thereby please me. A high jumper describes an impossible curve in the air and it’s a delight.
Happiness is fragile and cannot be called up. Rarer than we think. A blessing, perhaps.
What about giving? I have occasionally sent a present to a friend, not to celebrate a birthday but perhaps something relevant to recent communication. The present is sent as a surprise and I get a feeling of happiness from anticipating the pleasure it will hopefully create. I know there are psychological theories about altruism and the like but the fact remains that on a simple level happiness is achieved whatever the motives. As you say the feeling will be transitory, but giving is worth thinking about.
ReplyDeleteSir Hugh: I did say happiness - more especially inner happiness - varies from person to person. I'm not at all sure about the example you offer. Giving to someone sounds perilously close to "planning" the giver's happiness, even "buying" it. For one thing how can the giver be sure the gift brought pleasure to the recipient? The recipient rarely says that a gift was duff. And I'm really dubious about "whatever the motive". One likely reaction to an unexpected gift is Why? Subsequent speculation about the giver's reasons would be a long way from pleasure.
ReplyDeleteIn any case I set out to examine the nature of happiness itself. To simplify things I limited myself to reactions on my part, although I did point out that such reactions may have complex roots (ie, from adversity, and the fact that singing lessons are not continuous bliss).
And I would draw your attention to the caveats in my final paragraph. I might add that happiness is so fragile it can quickly turn into unhappiness. The statement "I love you." would seem - at first glance - to be an unequivocal bringer of happiness. Writers of fiction since The Stone Age have sweated cobs showing that the reverse is equally true.
I agree with most of what you say but… I did try to suggest that a moment of happiness was created by the action regardless of psychological interpretations that may be identified by deeper examination, although I accept your suggestion that some planning has been involved. But that doesn’t eliminate the result of momentary happiness, and why not try to create it anyway? The subsequent reaction of the recipient has no bearing on your initial feeling.
ReplyDeleteStraying from the subject above I have for a long time been aware of the following which seems, in my convoluted mind, to have some adverse connection with our discussion, or the more peripheral aspects you outline regarding giving snd receiving. If you say something to someone and they interpret that in a different way from your intended meaning and if you are not aware of that misinterpretation continued communication will be based on the recipients interpretation rather than your initial intention. Obviously if you have not recognised the false interpretation the whole thing can only go from bad to worse.
Listening and empathising is so important.
C.
So you may send a gift which grievously offends the recipient but you may remain happy through your ignorance of this result. I would describe the sender's mind state as delusional. Believing that the act of sending - in itself - and whatever the gift - can be regarded as beneficial.
DeleteAs to misinterpretation of what is said, if this does not become apparent within seconds the two participants should turn to some other diversion like playing Ludo.
are not is in last sentence.
ReplyDeleteThe subject is "reverse" a singular noun; the verb form is therefore is.
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