I won’t identify the commenter or the subject now since this raises a related matter: How does one respond to written compliments? Note the adjective; spoken compliments are another breed of fish.
Easy, say some. Here starts sadness. Easy writing is usually easy because it lacks even a smidgeon of thought. The same tired phrases, the same over-used vocabulary – suggesting a writer glad to be done with a tiresome task. Even if this is not the case
Of course the compliment may be expressed as cliché. But suppose it’s well thought-out, inventively expressed, revelatory, and/or – Well, damnit! – useful? Proof of effort dissipated.
It seems only right the recipient should match that level of effort. One general rule is to ignore first reactions. They may work but only after they’ve been thoroughly tested.
I emphasised “written”. One failing concerns the phrase “well written” since it’s far too vague. Stylish? Novel? Factual? Incidentally amusing? Morally right? Courageous?
An initial priority is for the recipient to re-capture the compliment’s “effect”. Much, much harder than it sounds. Some compliments may still be worthwhile while carrying some flattery.
A peculiarly English response is to introduce a negative tone. Agree partially but point to a related defect in the recipient. The “Yes, but…” technique.
And how about disagreeing entirely with the points made while appreciating the existence of the compliment.
Confession: I have no 100% answer. Try me out with a compliment (Joke.)
I find that there is little to beat a modest "thank you" and something along the lines of "I know there are many bloggers heaps better than me but thank you for your kind words". Boring maybe but it certainly helps with blogger cameraderie.
ReplyDeleteRachel Phillips: I'm not sure I'd know how to distinguish between a modest "Thank you" and an immodest one. Would your suggestion be all-purpose, the same whatever the compliment? Also, would I want to share a cameraderie that was based on being boring: if so I've devoted most of my writing life to a misconcpetion. And me so close to the final chapter.
DeleteI didn't know a simple suggestion of a thank you to a nice post about you could be made so complicated. The modest part of the thank you is clearly illustrated in my comment.
DeleteRachel Phillips: Journalism forced me to simplify subjects which were essentially complex, assuming I expected to be read. Here I am reversing the process on my day off. The fact is explaining any procedure, cast-iron dingbat (Quote: James Thurber), event or policy, however simple, may get squashed by the sheer weight of words; the test being: are they all necessary? Try summarising (in detail) the opening of a can of beans in under fifty words.
DeleteI should have emphasised that these were my discoveries, I hadn't intended them to be force-fed. This subject grew out of reading the In Memorian notices in
the local newspaper. Because many of us are overwhelmed by the solemnity of death we inevitably resort to formulaic sentences when dealing with it. Words which hide rather than express emotion.
But I'm going on again,
There are a number of emojis that should suffice as a response.❤️👍
ReplyDeleteMikeM: If I didn't know you better... Why not go all the way back to illiteracy and supply a cave painting?
DeleteEmojis - who and why? People with so little time to spare that they've given up on language? Foreigners? Those suffering from such crippling timidity that they daren't commit themselves to language? Those so under-developed that they think these pathetic symbols are funny? But I see I'm falling into your trap?
Emojis can be misconstrued. How am I to respond to your message that you love thumbs? That you are in fact a victim of digitophilia.
I left a comment here, but it has disappeared into the ether. Maybe time to check your Spam folder.
ReplyDeleteHere's your comment:
DeleteI am a little mystified that simple thanks could be so complicated. Once in a while, someone compliments me on something I have written, and I simply reply, “Thanks for your kind words,” or, “Glad you enjoyed it,” or something equally innocuous, yet no less sincere. In my uncluttered world, that’s sufficient, without further analysis or introspection.
Here's my re-comment:
If it's obvious that a certain amount of thought went into the compliment, my inclination is to respond in kind. Thereby encouraging dialogue, and - out of dialogue - a wider and more fruitful friendship. I am against formulaic responses as the length of my re-responses to your comments must suggest. I can of course sympathise with your preference for brevity given your huge list of contacts. My list is tiny, made even tinier by the fact that three of the names (retained in honour) belong to people now dead. I apologise for attempting to clutter up your world; fact is I'm greedy for articulacy and it's rarer than many think. Those three names all spoke with highly individual voices; they were keen to know more. I miss them.
Yes, your response was as essentially as expected, irate but entertaining. My knee jerk response to the post was “no response is needed for compliments to one’s blog writings”. Perhaps an in person compliment could be met with a wink.
ReplyDeleteMikeM: I think our relationship might be described as fugal - the musical meaning, not the psychiatric one. You will be for ever remembered as a britches-clad arse working its way up a church tower. Entertaining at both ends, one could say.
DeleteYour reply/comment to the blogger who praised you was chock full of gifts. You took the time to creatively expound about a certain word, and you gifted the blogger a limerick or two. I have such a hard time writing comments on most people's blogs. If I had my druthers, there would be a "like' button for blogs that I could simply click if I liked it. Is that because I'm lazy? Oh yes. Am I ashamed to admit this? Only a little.
ReplyDelete