However readers of the eventual short story do have one advantage – they know that a “date” will be forthcoming. The italic paras start to hint at what sort of a man Larry is.
Months ago the shopping lists were scribbled in pencil. Then, carefully, in pen. Then in pen and in capital letters. Then enlarged on the laptop and printed out on a full A4 sheet. Ma saying, “You can’t snivel now even if you do forget your glasses.”
But glasses didn’t solve all Larry’s problems. Potatoes were of course potatoes. And tooth-paste was tooth-paste. But what was Ainsley Harriot lemon grass? Last week he’d returned home lacking this very item, defeated, terrified of asking a shelf-stacker in case he made a fool of himself. Ma had shrieked her displeasure, grabbed the car keys and stamped off.
Back in ten minutes, still angry. At least she hadn’t insisted Larry walked back to Tesco. She could have.
I’m a Brit and this is a British story using a native vocabulary. In the past US readers of Tone Deaf have flapped their hands and wondered what certain words and locutions mean. Most Brits managed to read The Bridge of San Luis Rey, Cannery Row, and the Rabbit tetralogy without external help. Try Google if you must. Better still, visit us.
Story progress: 792 words written; 3200 words (approx.) to go
Snivel - I thought I knew what it meant but just in case looked it up (on-line Oxford) and found that my interpretation was correct. It is all too easy to use a particular word over many years thinking one is confident of the meaning but recently I have disciplined myself MORE to take the trouble and check, often to find that examples are nuanced outside my general understanding.
ReplyDeleteI can see the mother taking over as the main character here and the whole thing becoming a different story, or perhaps it could be the beginning of a kind of Alexandrian Trio? Mother, son, and prospective date.
Sir Hugh: I can only say: prepare to be surprised. But first, re-read the initial part of the post which outlines the story's general structure. The reason why I chose to write this story in the first place.
ReplyDeleteIf things still aren't clear, the post "Would you dare to do it?" provides the origins of this impulse.
I commend your practice of checking out previously unverified meanings. I have been guilty of many grievous misunderstandings, words I have held close to my bosom for decades: some I've let linger, others, like "heuristic" I've checked a dozen times and still can't retain the meaning.
It's a reasonable aim to increase one's vocabulary. Not to show off (with words like "heuristic") but to find the precise word for a thing instead of a blah-blah starting with "sort of". Grandson Ian (who is staying with us to enliven our food intake) and I had a bit of a laugh over the functions of VR's expensive but vital Stannah Lift. Ian is actually very articulate and relentless in chasing down everyday technicalities. But some glitch in his memory caused him to say the Stannah operated between the hall and "the upstairs hall". He'd - very temporarily - forgotten the word "landing". I know he knew the word but perhaps this lapse may be attributed to fact he lives in a single-floor apapartment and lack of opportunity has hampered landing's accessibility
I immediately feel sorry for Larry.
ReplyDeleteAfter I read your last paragraph I reread the italicized section hoping to find an example of native British vocabulary. I couldn't find something exotic. Darn.
DeleteColette: There aren't any problems in those two short paras. But as the story develops (presently up to 1300 words) the language of humdrum UK life may become unfamiliar. For a post I might well explain; in fiction there's style and rhythm to be considered and a risk of becoming clunky.
DeleteI'm glad you felt sorry for Larry. Not necessarily because he deserves it but that a single-word judgement (see Sandi) seems so dismissive. As if he were beneath consideration. See the central character of Stendhal's The Red And the Black.
Well, here is an American definition, Larry is a total WUSS. The following was the descriptives used for Wuss: wimp, chicken, doormat, weakling, soul, namby-pamby, softie, softy, crybaby. Interestingly the word hit the dictionaries here in the 1990's, while I clearly remember it being used in the 1950''s on the playground and recognized in the Collins' American English
ReplyDeleteDictionary as early as 1991.
Sandi: Not just a wuss, a total wuss! Yet, to modify Shylock, if you prick a wuss may he not bleed? Do central characters need to be hairy-chested or fluent in iambic pentameter.?
ReplyDeleteMy mistake. There's no percentage (or balance) in offering short extracts like this. I won't do it again.
I'm well aware of "wuss" but astonished its roots go that far back. Language was my job - especially insulting language and language of the fifties when I worked on newspapers - but I would put it much later than that. I can't be sure of course but I was immediately attracted to its abusive sound; a big claim but it almost seemed onomatopoeic
I actually was confused on how it (wuss) was spelled, as a kid...we never saw such words written. I didn't come from the best neighborhood and language could get quite colorful on the playground. I tend to look up word origins, mostly to make sure I am spelling it or using it correctly. Also, I'm seldom attracted to hairy-chested individuals. I just found nothing compelling or attractive about him, except maybe some pity.
DeleteSandi: There were never enough words in this short extract to base a useful conclusion about Larry. Simply a slight flavour of the story. Nor is it - or was it - my job to make him "desirable" to you. Only the faint hope that he might turn out to be a "page turner".
ReplyDeleteI am presently at 2048 words. Details have accrued to show that Larry is one of life's victims but this still doesn't suggest that he's likeable. And I haven't yet reached even a hint about the real basis for this story - that Larry becomes involved in a computer-dating encounter. As you might infer such an event has the ability to become life-changing, so even the fact that he's presently a "victim" needn't necessarily continue. This is a story about change. And for change to be interesting it has to be established what changed from what".
I said I wouldn't include any more short extracts but I'm well known for breaking my word. Here's another fragment - far from conclusive - about the things that go to make up Larry
It rained heavily the following evening and Ma seemed restless, prowling from room to room, as if searching for something long forgotten. Larry became nervous. It was the longest period he’d ever gone without being abused. The silence was unfamiliar. He was almost tempted to do something stupid for which he would be abused. In the kitchen Ma had not only washed the dinner things but put them away. Only a saucepan remained, inverted for draining. Larry felt his very being drawn to the saucepan as if it held the answer to all his problems. Perhaps it did. He picked it up only to find his fingers slack and incapable; saw it drop on to the rubber-tiled floor. Causing a feebly dull boing.