then I changed my mind
Am I allowed to say that tranquil face
Has mirrored mine? That we have shared the thrills
And pains of married life and used our lips
And eyes as signals to the world at large
About those minor shrug-off happenings
Marking the map of our existence.
We’re now apart and here’s the difference:
That I must welcome death which brought relief
For you, from agony and distressful views,
Which had you say: death is the easy thing.
An end to mirrored faces and the ways
The two of us explored the unknown life.
Ah, let me look again at that conjoinèd face,
Tended by those who eased your nightly pain.
And note, death is denied a final win.
Those parted lips suggest a need to call
An abstract word; adulthood, let us say;
Our new children born along the way.
I alone, but knowing what I gained,
An inner force that death perhaps explained.
Has mirrored mine? That we have shared the thrills
And pains of married life and used our lips
And eyes as signals to the world at large
About those minor shrug-off happenings
Marking the map of our existence.
That I must welcome death which brought relief
For you, from agony and distressful views,
Which had you say: death is the easy thing.
An end to mirrored faces and the ways
The two of us explored the unknown life.
Tended by those who eased your nightly pain.
And note, death is denied a final win.
Those parted lips suggest a need to call
An abstract word; adulthood, let us say;
Our new children born along the way.
An inner force that death perhaps explained.
I have read and reread this poem a number of times now. It is beautiful, and says so much about a long marriage, shared lives, and the death of a spouse. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteColette: I wrote it this afternoon and it took 90 minutes. Ordinarily I would have concluded it would need radical editing but normal rules don't apply at the moment. As I say elsewhere I don't favour tombstones, etc, and I substitute that which I have tried to do since I was eight. I'm idiotically proud of "conjoined" with its added accent, a poetic solution to filling in an absent syllable and thereby achieving scansion.
ReplyDeleteI was moved by your poem, Robbie, and impressed by it too. I'm afraid my previous comments didn't register. I will write to you.
ReplyDeleteBeth: Sorry about not registering. Is there anything I can do at this end?
ReplyDeleteYour poem has perfectly encapsulated the way your relationship always appeared to anyone who knew you both. You were two distinct notes forming one perfect chord. I particularly liked 'Ah, let me look again at that conjoinèd face,
ReplyDeleteTended by those who eased your nightly pain.
And note, death is denied a final win' Thank you for sharing it. Carolyn x
Carolyn: I wonder now why I was initially reluctant to look down on Veronica. Perhaps because I had no idea how I'd react. Writing the verse forced me to think rationally and even then I think I took advantage of poetry's indirectness. In a sense the bond was so strong I was looking at myself. Given that discovery I find I want to correct a number of the lines. Yet another impulse says: No, leave it as it is, I'll never again touch on that powerful confusion that summarised the moment.
ReplyDeleteI've done it a few times now and it never gets any easier.. I found that I was always unwittingly holding my breath, in preparation for that first look, just in case it was something I couldn't cope with. In hindsight though, I was always glad that I had done it as it does bring some inner peace. In my humble opinion, your poem is just right, as it is, whilst reading it, I could actually visualise the two of you exactly as I remembered and sometimes 'perfect' isn't best, real emotion and poignancy is. Carolyn x
ReplyDeleteCarolyn: It's not so much the sentiments, rather that the way they were presented could stand improvement.
DeleteGood one Robbie.
ReplyDeleteMikeM: There was a reference in one of your many and most welcome comments to the possibility that my situation - then quite grievous - might have been improved by prayer from an outside source. As the world knows both Veronica and I are/were atheists and I briefly considered my reaction. For me atheism is an entirely personal conviction and I rule out proselytising. Even so I was touched by what I saw as the mere innocence of this project. It wouldn't harm me, I concluded, and I had been mildly entertained.by the reference. Who knows? I asked roguishly.
ReplyDeleteMmmmmm, yes this requires reading on so many levels. Your words do roll along, in trips and stalls which makes the rhythm of life/death real.
ReplyDeleteOh Dad - that’s just perfect
ReplyDelete