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Tuesday 10 March 2020

Big but blank evening

VR and I have been married for a “round” period of years. You’d think I’d remember our first encounter in London since I’d only recently escaped the sexual prison that was the North of England. But with one exception (which I’ll get to) the evening is a blank.

I know we formed a foursome, the other male being my flatmate. VR tells me we went to The Doves, a pub in Hammersmith, west London. But what did we talk about? Did we kiss? I have no idea. At the time VR (then VT) was an SRN (state registered nurse) at Charing Cross Hospital, about 200 yards from the absolute centre of London. Since my conversation – for better or for worse – is to ask questions I’m sure I would have interrogated her about her job. But I recall nothing.

What’s remarkable is that somehow I managed to stumble through those early weeks and we stayed together. I was 25 and my only experience of womanly company consisted of three visits to the cinema with a West Riding girl who grew increasingly puzzled by my flamboyant talk. It was she who suggested we brought this monologue to an end.

VR and I did have one crisis – conveyed by written note – but I don’t think I took it seriously. I conclude this was an expert reaction and yet didn’t realise this at the time.

Here’s the remembrance. My flatmate had use of a van.  VR and I sat on the wooden floor in the back as he drove VR back to her flat. I needed her telephone number but had neither pen nor paper, a shocking admission for a journalist. With an old-fashioned penny piece I scratched the seven-figure number on the van’s interior. Perhaps it’s still there.

5 comments:

  1. I love this story, the beginning of a true and enduring love.

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  2. I admire your resourcefulness in recording her telephone number. I'm sure that made a positive impression on her. Also, asking her questions about her job. You would be surprised how few young men ask women questions about their lives.

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  3. Scratching significant emotional information onto a hard surface so as to remember it...H'mm...Have you stumbled by chance on a vital clue in the study of human behaviour? Such as: maybe some people only remember details of significant events if they wrote them down at the time?

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  4. robin andrea: Enduring, yes. But "What is truth? said jesting Pilate."

    I think of the hard times, made harder by the appearance of a child. The lack of money in London before we left for the USA, and the gradual disappearance of money as my final US employer (my third) began to go down the toobs. The realisation when we finally bought a house that VR would have to go to work. The best years were in fact the final ten years of employment and retirement; money again the key. We of the UK middle-class never say we are wealthy, we employ the euphemism "comfortable". And yes we were comfortable.

    Colette: I'm not sure I did ask questions, only that it was likely. One vaguer matter: males who passed through a miserable adolescence, as I did, frequently dreamt of pairing up with a nurse. It was entirely accidental that this happened to me; perhaps I was overwhelmed by the possibility on that initial evening out. I found out that VR had been lightly attached to an army officer and that his dress uniform, worn on formal occasions, included a sword. I doubted I could compete with that.

    Natalie: I wasn't born orally articulate. I taught myself this social skill (a necessary feature for a journalist) by interweaving my style of writing with my conversational style. I'm not for a moment suggesting I have perfect oral competence but the sentences parse, the vocabulary is wider than most and the clichés are held at bay. English women were not particularly impressed by this but US women were. This was strange since almost all US women had endured much longer periods of formal education than I had, I having left school at 15.

    I think you're right in your supposition. I am unable to arrive at the truth of tricky propositions until I have revised what I have compiled and expressed it concisely. This is rarely possible in conversation. Writing is my real comfort. It also explains why in old age I have become gregarious, after decades of being a social anchorite.

    The scratched telephone number may have been symbolic but of course such developmenst are only recognised retrospectively.

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