Plague positrons
THE BIG WIPE? Toilet rolls have been leaving supermarket shelves at rocket speeds. Yes, customers are panic-buying but why toilet rolls? Is Britain suffering from collective diarrhoea? If not, why not flaked almonds or vanilla essence – two things we recently invested in. And “invested” is the right word; the tiny bottle of essence cost £6.
The answer is mundane. Toilet rolls have high unit volume (ie, they’re bulky) and they’re sold in multiples, four rolls being the minimum. Twenty purchases could clear 3 metres of shelf-space; twenty purchases of Heinz baked beans and you’d hardly notice. We’re more aware of the absence of toilet rolls than that of other stuff.
VERSE SUSPENDED. I write occasional verse. Not very good but we literary guys have to aspire. Verse is two things: the subject and the unique way we handle it. Two factors that don’t always arrive simultaneously. When they do, we start scribbling.
A month ago I had me a subject: the onset of death. The conceit involves analogies with tidal function and the present tense of verbs. I’m almost finished. But now hardly seems the time to publish.
SILENCED VOICE My smartphone allows me to command Google orally. At which I become bossier than normal, which means much bossier. I was mildly interested but after a week I reverted to traditional methods. Does anyone still use this unnecessary function?
I wish I knew why there was such an absurd run on toilet paper, but there's so much about human consciousness and reaction that I just don't understand. I like the wave in your hair. We use our smart phone to play music for us. It has all of our favorite songs on it. The only time we use the phone to connect to the internet is when we are on the road, which is hardly ever these days. We're old fashioned laptop users.
ReplyDeleteUnshorn by Shara, eh? Let’s see what it looks like parted in the middle. And if “why toilet rolls?” is the question, I’m not sure it’s been answered.
ReplyDeleterobin andrea: At heart I'm an even more old-fashioned desktop user. Arthritic fingers, you see. As to the wave, should I encourage it?
ReplyDeleteMikeM: In relative terms the toilet-roll reverse tsnunami never happened
I can't belive you ever had a stylist. I wouldn't bother going back again, just get V to trim it for you. My son W does mine, but that is easy as I just have a Number 2 all over. Do you remember our continental motoring trip back in the 60s? We stopped off in Paris where I went to a semi-posh barber who insisted on getting artistic and gave me a "style" for the first time ever, and coming up with the meorable phrase expressed weth great delight "J'ai changé le visage."
ReplyDeleteLet it grow, RR. Shoulder length locks might suit you and give the appearance of an Old Testament prophet.
ReplyDeleteSir Hugh: I take it this is one of your tongue-in-cheek comments. I like to think I'm not vain but surely no one goes around looking like Magwitch unless they have to. I mean how far would you extend this practice: I'm deaf so I'm having my ears cut off? Trimming, on the other hand, requires a certain amount of skill. One reason against in-house hair-cuts is collecting all the hair up afterwards. Two more reasons for not rendering oneself bald: I don't have to wear a floppy hat when I go out of doors; Veronica says she would leave me if I did (go bald and/or wear a floppy hat). By the way Shara charges me £9 for a haircut and she's interesting to talk to.
ReplyDeleteAvus: There's a downside to shoulder-length locks - they take ages to dry. This can of course be remedied by doing without hair-washing. Since you could say we've been visited by Apocalypse the need for OT prophets is now greatly reduced.
There has been a run on toilet paper here as well. I hear people call stores in advance now and reserve it or book it,like we used to book restaurants. But I don’t know what’s in the stores as I have been sequestered in my house now for 20 days, talking only to my cat. My daughter and I had planned a trip overseas for my birthday, but darn it was on March 26, and by then she had me well kept away in my home. But this is giving me the time to reread all the comments made on my blog and also read all the posts of my blogging friends I missed. I read all yours. I have never been to Arras, usually would go south. My cousin wrote and said she moved closer to her kids in Colmar – will try to mosey that way when the plague is over. I wanted to go back and read La Peste, but it is in Georgia and I am stuck in Nashville.
ReplyDeleteI listen to music and watch people walk in front of my house, without masks as if it were just a nice spring day. I avoid the tele because watching the orange menace gives me a stomach ache. He comes on it all the time, with more blatant coronavirus lies as time goes by. We all live in a science fiction book– wish Isaac Asimov were here to write a novel on it.
Vagabonde: I was just on the verge of adding a comment about Jimmy Carter to your blog (which I've just done) and you beat me to the post.
ReplyDeleteAs to toilet paper we have been in the habit of buying a 16-pack which - since we are only two - lasts about a couple of months. This we did before The Plague became what it is, and can afford to be quite smug about it.
I've always enjoyed your vocabulary (an obvious side effect of your multi-lingualism) and lo, here we have "sequestered". Not quite a five-dollar word, but well worth $3.85. Mes félicitations.
As to Arras we do not confine ourselves to the North. Before we bought the house in Loire Atlantique (since sold) we used to take huge circular tours of France in the car and tried also to draw in the diagonals: from Grenoble to La Rochelle, and Bayonne to Lille. More recently we've rented villas around Béziers.
Yes, please read La Peste again and obviously in French to avoid the dubious translations. I regarded it as a great book when I first read it in English; now, combined with having read it in French and The Plague which has visited us, it has become a masterpiece. I wondered if that last word is covered by the French phrase chef d'oeuvre. Looked it up and you'll know the answer. A good start to the day.
Apparently, someone said, the empty shelves in French supermarkets are the ones displaying wine rather than (as in the UK) toilet rolls.The explanation for this, someone else said, is that the French have bidets. Need I say more?
ReplyDeleteNatalie: The toilet-roll shortage has suddenly made bidets more attractive. However they are not portable and installing them tn existing British bathrooms would be highly disruptive. Within this context my attention has also been drawn to the use of certain types of shower. We have two showers but, alas, they are not the right sort. The roses are only minimally adjustable; bringing them to bear on the requisite part of my anatomy would demand advanced gymnastics.
ReplyDeleteYou can get one of those portable shower hoses which attach to any bath taps by means of rubber thingies. You do need to have two bath taps, hot and cold.
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